the condom got lost in my hair
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
