u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
