I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
