drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
ttyl tear gas
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
