Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
