i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
