tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
