READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
