So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize