I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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