i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
