Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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