Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Is it because I queefed?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
