talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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