wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
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How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
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I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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