Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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