so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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