either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
