drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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