The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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