Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
