I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
