its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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