I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
