I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
