Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
