ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
