One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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