You don't have asthma, your pregnant
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
