im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
