I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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