Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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