I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
