Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
