For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
