it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
