I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
