remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
