I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
