sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
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That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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