Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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