So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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