so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
