i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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