I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
