I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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