I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
