Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
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keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
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So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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