then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
