They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I wish I only lived at night.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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