I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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