You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
