I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
