Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
