i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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