Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I can text with my tongue
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
