I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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