Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
