ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
