6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
