im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
