you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
