My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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