I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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