R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
