so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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