I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
