..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
