he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
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The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
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I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize