He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
